Theft of body parts

THE DOCTORS STOLE MY NAVEL!

Just what sort of research are they undertaking? 5 days ago I was happily ennavelled like everyone else and now after 50 years and 12 days my daughter thinks I'm a clone because my navel isn't there.  Yesterday I had my first really close look at the stitches whilst my wife was changing the dressing on my hernia op.  When she first pointed out that my navel wasn't obvious, I thought it must be because of the slight swelling and bruising.  Very close examination then revealed, that without so much as a by your leave, they'd amputated my bloody navel!  This is an outrageous abuse of surgery just to pursue medical research.  Perhaps he was a trained navel doctor (ouch).  I suspect that somewhere in a secret government research establishment there are thousands of tiny jars containing illegally amputated navels.  Now I have no doubt that if I lived in the US I would have a queue of lawyers waiting to sue for $60 million for the loss of my navel, which was in fact the most useful and attractive part of my body.  My friends will all tell you that I have always been navel obsessive.  My future career in modelling was entirely based upon the "navels are beautiful" movement which is sweeping the western world.  Now, due to their callous disregard for my rights I am completely navelless.  I face an uncertain future wearing a prosthetic navel or colouring one in with my daughters' crayons.  I won't settle out of court because it's not about the money - it's about my right under the 19th amendment to bare navels.  This stinks of navellism!  We need to know what the navel research is for.  Are they trying to bio engineer organic hearing aids or are they being used as mollusc home security against hermit crabs?  More worryingly still, and this is what should really worry the public, are they being grafted onto human clones to make them appear normal?  I expect this to be one of the decisive navel battles in history.